Li Rapkin held the title of Senior Writer in the original configuration of ShotgunReviews.com. That was mainly because her writing ability was more mature than most of us. She also pioneered the delightfully demented Shotgun Horoscopes, something that we didn't know we needed until we had them. As Madame Li, she prognosticated and used other big words. More importantly, along with The Queen Oseye, Li will always be a sworn sister of the Shotgun because we all worked in the Stygian pits of tech writing hell together. Take it, Li . . .
Modern Astrology
Modern Astrology
Astrology isn't what it used to be; most of us live in areas with lots of light pollution and never see the stars anyway. The constellations associated with the zodiac have been drifting apart because of the precession of equinoxes. The zodiac calendar is out of sync with the months of our calendar. Not to mention that, according to the IAU---the ecliptic now officially passes through thirteen constellations and Pluto is no longer a planet (I assure you, I am not making this up!). And who wants to self-identify as a goat or a scorpion?
Sometimes, a system is too broken to fix. This is one of those systems. Accordingly, I have discarded the old Greco-Roman astrological rubric (so last millennium!) and propose that we move forward with signs that we can all enjoy and remember. And so, I am pleased to bring you the very latest pioneering advances in astrology, including the handy conversion table below.
Old Style | New Style | |||
Name | Constellation | Dates | Name | Month |
Aries | Ram | 3/21-4/19 | Killer Rabbit | April |
Taurus | Bull | 4/20-5/20 | Bacon | May |
Gemini | Twins | 5/21-6/20 | Alien | June |
Cancer | Crab | 6/21-7/21 | Pirate | July |
Leo | Lion | 7/22-8/22 | LOLcat | August |
Virgo | Virgin | 8/23-9/22 | Jedi | September |
Libra | Scales | 9/23-10/22 | Slinky | October |
Scorpio | Scorpion | 10/23-11/21 | Angry Bird | November |
Sagittarius | Archer | 11/22-12/21 | Ninja | December |
Capricorn | Goat | 12/22-1/20 | Robot | January |
Aquarius | Water Bearer | 1/21-2/19 | Zombie | February |
Pisces | Fish | 2/20-3/20 | Sushi | March |
