Indiana Nerd by Kimmi Markovich

It’s already the second decade of the new millennium, eleven years after 2001, two years after 2010, and forty nine years out from 2061. These years are important from a geek standpoint, as they are the years in Arthur Clarke’s series of novels painting a picture of that space future we all imagined when we taped glow in the dark stars to our bedroom ceilings. It’s kind of sad to me that 2001 and 2010 have come and gone and we haven’t realized many of the aspirations that one of the greatest science fiction writers thought feasible. I guess progress isn’t as easily conceived and implemented. No worries though, we are making science fiction more realistic and less fiction every day! I never would have thought I would have a touch screen phone space phone. Remember when the touch screens at the museum were the coolest when you were little? And now most of us carry a better one around in our pocket.

I geek out on the Star Wars. Yes, there are many other things I enjoy, like organic chemistry, micronutrient metabolism, and comic books, but Star Wars has been my one true geeking love for a long time. It all started in first grade when the obviously underfunded Catholic school I went to only had used, taped up books. However, the Return of the Jedi picture book caught my eye, and I would park it on a beanbag to read it over and over. My voracious appetite for Star Wars continues to this day, much to the dismay of my conservative mother, who is holding out that it’s still a phase. I guess a 25 year old who is not into the traditional timeline of what you are “supposed” to do wasn’t what she had planned for a daughter; that and the whole “No, I’m a woman of science” discussion. Being labeled a geek was never a good thing for me, I didn’t have lots of friends, I got beaten up and teased, but it never really mattered once I rode my bike down to the library. I used to get lost in far away worlds or get wrapped up in learning about the inner workings of our own. Yes, I did want to be pretty and not have a weird haircut, glasses, and a frightening lack of hand eye coordination but all of those pressures really slipped away once I walked into the Lake County Public Library. Reading, to me, made everything seem okay, like these characters assured me that one day I would be really happy. 

Reunited . . . and It Feels So Good by Steve Ekstrom

Steve Ekstrom joined Best Shots and Shotgun almost simultaneously, covering comics and wrestling.  In addition to writing for Newsarama and elsewhere, Steve's written a number of comics and webcomics that appeared via places like Zuda, Top Shelf 2.0, and Image's Negative Burn.  Today, he addresses a sad time in the history of Shotgun, a time when two contributors decided to try to kill each other online.  No, not that time . . .Most Shotgunners will recall the vicious debates Kevin Huxford and I had regarding our feelings about the One More Day/ Brand New Day outcome and the aneurysm inducing story logic of Post-Civil War era (haha) Spider-Man when he gave Mephisto a good ol’ fashioned “Devil’s Handshake” to save Aunt May.

[Did you know that a “Devil’s Handshake” is slang for an old fashioned handski? But I digress…]

We said a bunch of really explosive clap-trap directed at personally wounding each other and the whole thing devolved pretty quickly away from Spider-Man and good-natured debate. We avoided each other like the plague in mutual friends’ Facebook feeds and went our separate ways. I admittedly took a lot of what was said to heart, pulled my green Dr. Doom cowl close and shook an iron-fisted cry for vengeance into the sky.

And then? I felt really stupid; immature even.


This is what Yeats meant by "terrible beauty".



Spit Takes: Six Things I Never Want to See in a Movie Again by Kyle DuVall

We knew Kyle in The Day.  He went to high school with me, Shawn, and others of note, and he was on the scene of more than one classic Icicle Thieves performance.  A fine magazine writer and a Shotgun and Newsarama veteran, Kyle has long pontificated on film and had his own Shotgun column, Spit Takes.

At what point does cliche cross the line and become a convention? Are conventions just cliches grown so omnipresent we simply lack the energy to bitch about them anymore? There are multitudes of ridiculous contrivances, narrative absurdities and scientific impossibilities on cinema and TV screens that we just accept without question, but there needs to be a statute of limitations on supension of dibelief. Lets call for a moratorium on some of these narrative place-holders. Then we can go about the business of building new cliches so our kids will have tropes to whine about when they’re beaming holo entertainment directly into their brain implants.

Air Ducts:
Contrary to popular belief, the greatest obstacle facing the forces of evil is not a wronged man with nothing to lose, or a mother protecting her child at any cost, or even the good will of honest men, it’s central air.

How many megalomaniacal cinematic schemes have been thwarted by a conveniently located air duct and a secret headquarters honecombed by labyrinth of ventilation shafts. Air ducts have screwed the eminent likes of Auric Goldfinger, Hans Gruber, and the Galactic Trade Federation. And since turnabout is fair play, air ducts have even screwed the space marines in Aliens. When screenwriters get their heroes confined in a jam they are not smart enough to write them out of, theres always the good ‘ol air duct gag to fall back on,

My favorite recent example of this tired convention showed up in the overcooked 2010 film Hanna, in which the film’s eponymous adolescent assassin escapes an underground base via air ducts so cavernous they put the Mines of Moria to shame. The only amusing thing about the sequence is picturing the massive, death-star size HVAC units the bad guys must have that require such cathedralesque ventilation shafts.

Every time I see this cliche I think of two things: first, that the villain of the piece has never seen any movie ever, and two, that when I take over the world my secret diabolical clubhouse will be climate controlled solely by baseboard heaters and window AC units.

HEY! We're still going!

That's right.  We're rolling till at least Wednesday.  Check in Monday for more . . .

Rock: Fiction by Joanna Lees

       

“MUD!”

The mud matched the flat grey of the desert plain so well that we were half a dozen steps into it before Lee shouted. It closed around our ankles and slid over the tops of our boots, tepid and clinging as we scrambled back to solid ground. Horace got out first and stood like an anchor, giving us each a hand out of the suction that threatened to pull us under.

Lee was the first one in and the last one out. The second his feet touched the cracked earth again he dropped his pack and fell flat on his back. “I hate this planet,” he muttered, his chest heaving from the narrow escape. “I mean it. All it’s done for five days is give us the finger.”

Mack leaned over with her hands on the knees of her grubby, tan flight suit. “I’m not complaining yet,” she muttered. “We got out of the ship in one piece, didn’t we?”

Horace unhooked the dented metal canteen from his belt and unscrewed the cap. Fine sand grated in the threads. “Mack’s right,” he said, taking a sip and passing it to me. “It coulda been a lot worse.”

Addicted to Reality TV by I. Burtan

Ms. Burtan met us via the Chicago Extension Office.  That is, she was a friend of Janelle and the Shots in the Dark crew.  After meeting up with us at one of the more legendary Wizard World Chicagos, she joined the group both here and at Newsarama, on occasion.  She's here to lend some professional insight into a rather modern addiction . . .

Perhaps because I have spent the past semester poring over textbooks on addictions, perhaps because as a psych grad student I am overeager to find patterns everywhere, perhaps because I have watched one too many episodes of My Strange Addiction on TLC (the last lady was addicted to her breasts. Her breasts!!), I am starting to suspect that reality television has become far more addictive over the past decade or so. Come with me, if you will, on a magical journey through my loose logic.

I Can’t Quit You, Reality TV

The barebones definition of having a process addiction, or an addiction not involving a chemical substance of some kind, involves the compulsion to keep doing a set of behaviors no matter the consequences. The pull to engage in behaviors such as gambling, sex, playing video games, watching hours of The Little Couple on TLC, etc. is akin to pursuing the chemical high of a drug. The problem is that television watching is such an everyday task, something done so easily even while doing ten other things, that it becomes easy to keep swimming in denial. I have often defended my Kardashian-spawned-show-watching as nothing but a small diversion from my otherwise hectic life. That is, until I tried--and failed--to give it up for one week.

I take full responsibility for my own compulsion to using reality television as a way to unwind, and perhaps for what you might call my lack of willpower or moral ineptitude. The problem is, real addiction is not a matter of will or morality, but rather complex biological, psychological, and social process. The same way drug dealers manufacture new, cheaper, and more dangerous highs that become more alluring to chase, reality television executives are toying with our psychology to do the same.

Community is the Nerdy Sitcom We Deserve by Nathan Cranor

When my coworker, our editor-n-chieftain, Troy was generous enough to let me contribute to this Shotgun revival, I knew I wanted to do something, I just didn't know what. I'm new to the world of ShotgunReviews, but having read and enjoyed the new material so far, I think I'm safe in saying many fellow Shotgun readers are – like me – interested in terrific television shows with nerdy themes.

This week NBC announced that “Community” is returning to television on March 15, right where it was before its much-bemoaned-on-the-internet hiatus at 8 p.m. Thursdays. This means it will be going up against its old timeslot nemesis “The Big Bang Theory.” That show, which is expressly about nerds and nerd culture, regularly crushed Community in the ratings. I know it's not just self-identified nerds who are watching TBBT, but I'd like to provide a few examples of how it's actually Community that's the superior nerd show at 8 p.m. on Thursday.

1. Dungeons & Dragons
In Season 2, Community devoted a whole half-hour of prime-time network real estate to the main characters engaging in a game of “Dungeons & Dragons.” What's amazing is they don't literalize it beyond strategic sound cues; it really is an episode of television entirely based around a group of people at a table describing their actions and rolling dice. What's really amazing is the episode is still brilliantly entertaining.

2. Zombies

There's little more beloved among nerds right now than zombies. Three days before “The Walking Dead” premiered, Community was there with its own take on the genre – Season 2's “Epidemiology.” The episode doesn't just namedrop zombie/horror movies, it gets into the deep cuts, like the “That scare was just [insert animal here]” trope.

3. Batman's in it.
Well, Abed (Danny Pudi) pretending to be Batman is in it – specifically in Season 1's “Introduction to Statistics” and Season 3's “Foosball and Nocturnal Vigilantism.” Somehow, despite all the widely varying portrayals of his character over the years, Batman acting/looking out-of-character remains fertile ground for hilarity (see also How To, Batman).

4. Alternate universes.
Move over, Fringe. Season 3's “Remedial Chaos Theory” centers on seven different timelines. That includes one which returns in a great ending tag as a classic “dark” timeline.

5. Inspector Spacetime.
What's Inspector Spacetime? The question is not what, constable, but when! Oh, I'm sorry, yes, the question is what this time. That's my mistake.

Inspector Spacetime began as a brief “Doctor Who” parody and later in the season stood in for the Star Wars Holiday Special. On tiny scraps of information contained in those couple bits, obsessive fans have created a vast, elaborate canon. If that doesn't say “nerd” I don't know what does.

Community. It's the nerdy comedy we deserve, but not the one we can see right now. Not until March 15. At which point we all need to watch it, especially those of us with mystical Nielsen boxes (if such people exist...where's the birth certificates, Nielsen families??). If this great show can't survive, we really are living in the darkest timeline. I'll get my goatee.

Nathan's writing appears regularly at www.rateeveryanimal.com and irregularly at nscranor.wordpress.com.  He appears fairly frequently at the lunch table with Troy, Kimmi Page and Courtney V.