Because it isn't.
It's terribly acted, horribly protracted, too often amateurly written with plot holes wide enough to fly a fleet of Executor-class Star Destroyers through. What pisses me off me most is how the show seems to go out of its way to destroy my fondness for characters that I've spent ninety-plus issues of my life with.
Before the trolls "Flame on!" all over over me, allow me my first concession that Walking Dead is not, nor ever will be, on the same strata as the current titleholder of Best Show On TV Hands Down: Breaking Bad. It's not Mad Men, it's not The Wire, it's not the first three seasons of Lost. And it's not supposed to be.
My second concession is that the TV show isn't the comic book, nor do I think it should be. I would actually find a show that re-created the comic panel-by-panel a terrific bore and I believe that some off-the-reservation scripting (such as Dale's untimely end) puts us viewers in a position that we HAVE to tune in every week lest we miss something unexpected.
There. I've officially disclaimed. Safeties off, I can now rant.
These are, without a doubt, the DUMBEST apocalypse survivors that have ever been seen by a camera. Best example is the season two opener when our band of castaways finds themselves on a highway jammed bumper to fender with cars and trucks and start to timidly loot the vehicles. Perpetually bitchy den mother/alpha female Lori pours buzzkill on the moment with "This feels like a graveyard." Lady, are you kidding me? This feels like an all-you-can-eat Sizzler moment! Food, weapons, clothes, MEDICINE...holy shit, every car is a Cracker Jack box with trunks and glove compartments and back seats filled with toy surprises inside. They even find a truck filled with WATER that Shane decides to go all Flashdance under. WATER! Even better, they can now get trade that worn-out RV Dale bought new during the Ford administration for something newer.
Do they? Of course not. Because they're idiots. They fuss about and waste a wealth of an episode over a well contaminated with greasy grimy zombie guts...when there's a truck of Poland Spring sitting out there in the open. Oh, right right. The little girl Sophia went missing, which, of course, is terrible. But come on. There ain't no time-outs in a zombie apocalypse and supplies will be required at some point. Rick couldn't delegate a search party AND a looting party?
I loved the scene when it's decided that they're ALL going to go hunting for Sophia under the auspice of "more eyes cover more ground". Uh, yeah. But not when you're all playing follow the leader in a straight line through the woods. Lesson learned: if you get separated from this bunch, kiss your ass goodbye.
A lot has been said in forums and in reviews about how the show drags from ep to ep, with lots of yakking and little actually getting done. I suspect a lot of that angst is derived from annoyance that we're not exposed to more epic kills on zombies (I have noticed that episodes tend to be higher rated when a zombie's been dispatched, with paragraphs of exuberance given to describing how cool the moment was). I agree that there's been far too much talking and not enough forward movement. The Sophia storyline went far too long and thank Krishna that we no longer have to listen to Rick and Shane argue like a couple of sorority girls over who's the prettiest. Herschel's farm needs to come to a head here, and soon (if that coming horde is any indication, I'm going to get my wish). It's become too much like Cheers or Central Perk for this group and they need to have their stakes raised.
I actually find myself rooting AGAINST this group at every outing. Shane's gone now, which is fantastic. Not only have we lost the group's rabid dog, but us viewers are spared from suffering another moment of Jon Bernthal delivering his lines with a bitter beer face scowl. Rick is not only a terrible leader who makes amazingly stupid decisions, but I find it hard to believe he was ever allowed to wear a badge and carry a gun. While the "Nebraska" episode had arguably the best scene in the series to date, namely the bar 'gunfight', Rick was more lucky than good seeing since he put himself DIRECTLY BETWEEN two possible bad guys, one of them with a shotgun standing right behind him. Moron. Of course, it doesn't help that Andrew Lincoln is one of the worst actors this side of anything on the CW and if you ever want to see how bad, just watch a scene with him and veteran actor Scott Wilson (Herschel). It's a pairing so one-sided that it should never be allowed to happen again.
Lori needs to go. And horrifically. She makes chewing tinfoil while listening to nails on a chalkboard sound positively enchanting. And when Lori does buy it, Carl should be riding shotgun. In the comic there's an empathy for the boy where we lament the his loss of childhood, feel sorry and bad for him that he's forced to play adult. But Chandler Riggs plays the TV character with eyes so dead and acting so flat and emotionless that I can't help but see his Carl as Damian Thorn. I swear there's going to be a point where his head gets shaved and they see 666 scrawled in his scalp.
Andrea's getting better, albeit at a glacial pace, now that we're past the whole "I need a gun" storyline that lasted far too long. She's delivered probably her best line in two seasons this past week: when Rick explains that keeping Shane under control would allow Rick greater peace of mind when he goes out on excursions, she responds with "Then stop going out." I want to slap an Emmy in her hand for that line alone. Carol, however, shuffles uselessly through every episode, a walker that's effectively infiltrated the group. When she walks into a room or a scene you can actually HEAR life being drained out. She's got to go.
Glenn is my favorite character in the comic and every week I like his show version even less. Two seasons in and he's STILL with the hang-d0g doe eyes, as if he's fresh outta the womb yesterday and gosh the world is so scary! I'm actually surprised he carries a gun and a blade; a blankie and a num-num seem more his speed. Other than losing his virginity, his character's not appreciably changed or grown since we first met him and his worth to this show is now questionable.
Speaking of questionable worth: T-Dog. 'Nuff said.
The only guy (excluding the farm fam) I'll stand up for is Darryl. While all the other characters have treaded water in their growth, this here's the one who has shown the most change and has become the most compelling character. He's the Han Solo of the group (T-Dog should be his Chewie) and the one I most look forward to every week. We KNOW the reunion with his brother is coming at some point and when we meet the Governor, you just know Darryl's going to be swayed to the Dark Side. And I'm going to call it right here: the bad-ass samurai sword-swinging Michonne and Darryl are going to become an item. Because that would be...interesting. And volatile.
We've got one more episode in season two, then thankfully--HOPEFULLY--this show can regroup before season three. I still contend that the ONLY reason this show does so well in the ratings is because of its pedigree. If it wasn't based on a hit comic book, it would have died halfway through season one.
There's a horde coming in the finale next week. Let's see who survives it.
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